The More You Learn the Less You Know Blog #10
Jul 23, 2023 by Amy Elizabeth Matuza
“Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!” – Dory, from Finding Nemo
My very first blog was about perspective. It was about how sometimes we need to take a situation/goal/dream and break it down into little parts in order to not be overwhelmed by the sheer enormity of it all. Focus on the small victories and over time they will add up to a big victory(s) and we will see real progress towards our dreams.
A very close cousin to keeping perspective is working hard. We all know that you can’t achieve anything great without working hard. My husband and I often tell our kids that you don’t need to be the smartest person in the room. You just need to be the hardest worker if you want to have any chance of achieving the successes that you desire. Sometimes you just need to hang in there and be the last person standing. Perseverance, hard work, grit – whatever you want to call it – is necessary for success in any endeavor.
The problem sometimes becomes that you start out with a dream and you think you know how to achieve it. But, the fact is that until you set out to do what it is that you dream about, or achieve that goal you made for yourself, you have no idea what it actually takes to get there. Realized goals by others look so easy, don’t they? When you watch a winning team, a famous entertainer, a successful professional, a great teacher – they all have something in common. They worked their butts off with perseverance and grit, sometimes for years. It wasn’t easy – and they didn’t know everything at the outset. They learned what they did not know and kept moving forward through mistakes. They did not quit. (And most of them will tell you that they are still working to get better in furtherance of their goal.)
The best example I can think of to illustrate this concept of continually working my hardest towards a goal, while perpetually feeling like I am being faced with almost daily situations which show me just how little I know is...Parenting! (You don’t have to be a parent to appreciate this part because we were all kids and experienced our own parents muddling through trying to raise us!) Seriously – parenting defines the motto the more you learn, the less you know. Right? Humor me by continuing to read a few of my thoughts on parenting.
First, you have a baby, which (in case you did not know this), does NOT come with an instruction manual. Suddenly, you are responsible for another human’s every need. Every day provides you with teachable moments while you try to master the feedings, changings, ridiculously inconvenient sleep schedules, crying for apparently no reason, and a host of crazy things that just yesterday when you had no baby, you really knew nothing about whatsoever. But, you keep trying and soon enough, your newborn is a toddler and everything you just got comfortable with – changed. Now they are sitting, crawling, pulling themselves up, walking, talking and constantly on the move. How is it that babies can so easily crawl UP the stairs but then can’t figure out the reverse? Time to learn to install those baby gates...
Now you have to learn about babyproofing the house, potty training, treating a myriad of colds/coughs/rashes that you have never heard of in your life, and teaching your child to talk, etc. Usually somewhere around age two, you begin to think that you may have spawned a smaller version of Satan and you definitely know that this child is related to every other member of the family but you in personality. “NO” screamed by your little cherub followed by an inexplicable tantrum in the most public place imaginable seems like a daily occurrence. NEWSFLASH: your parenting manual has still not arrived in the mail. You don’t give up. There must be better days ahead.
There are – for about 5-7 years during elementary school when your child genuinely loves you and gives you hugs and kisses when they get on the bus. Yet, suddenly, this child disappears in middle school and they don’t want to have anything to do with you because you are “so awkward”. You continue to try to communicate with them up and until they hit high school when their friends become paramount along with socializing, driving, dating (maybe), etc. You set curfews and expectations, and you pray they make good decisions, but you don’t really know the best way to ensure that they do. Nothing that you have learned to this particular point in time has prepared you to deal with what you are now facing and yet you keep parenting and focusing on the goal: to do it the best you can. And you persevere.
And then they are gone. Out of the house on their own.
But, then they are back! (at least at my house they are) Then they are a young adult taking a gap year to work and apply to medical school and how to do “parent” one of those things? You think back to bringing this person home as a baby and you never in a million years had any idea what being a parent really meant, now did you? Would you do it again? People do – all the time. We did. Twice more. (No manuals arrived for them either.)
And the kicker? If you have more than one, you quickly realize that what works for one does not necessarily work for another. So, some of what you learned for one kid is completely irrelevant for a sibling. I am still learning to treat my three kids as individuals who are at very different walks in their lives. Some days I do that better than others. On the bad days, I am thankful that there is wine.
Parenting is hard – period. Sometimes it is so overwhelming that I just want to move to Australia. It is exhausting, exasperating, and often unappreciated in the moment. But, being a good parent is one of my goals. So, even though each day shows me just how much I still have to learn, I keep working at it - persevering through the bumps and rejoicing at the small victories. I would not trade this journey for anything because it is 100% worth it – no matter how hard and how much I realize that I still have so much to learn.
Walk the walk towards your own personal goals and don’t quit. Embrace what you don’t know. Keep learning. You will get discouraged. Everyone does at some point or another. Setting a goal is much easier than achieving one. But, keep in mind that every new challenge or obstacle opens a door that moves you ever closer to your dream.
And if you need reminding of that fact, just pretend that you are on a hike. Sometimes you are so focused on the destination that you forget to look back and see just how far you have come. Or perhaps, if you are not a hiker, do as Dory would tell you to do from the movie Finding Nemo and “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming...” and you will eventually get to where you are going. Don’t give up. Achieving your dreams is worth it.
My very first blog was about perspective. It was about how sometimes we need to take a situation/goal/dream and break it down into little parts in order to not be overwhelmed by the sheer enormity of it all. Focus on the small victories and over time they will add up to a big victory(s) and we will see real progress towards our dreams.
A very close cousin to keeping perspective is working hard. We all know that you can’t achieve anything great without working hard. My husband and I often tell our kids that you don’t need to be the smartest person in the room. You just need to be the hardest worker if you want to have any chance of achieving the successes that you desire. Sometimes you just need to hang in there and be the last person standing. Perseverance, hard work, grit – whatever you want to call it – is necessary for success in any endeavor.
The problem sometimes becomes that you start out with a dream and you think you know how to achieve it. But, the fact is that until you set out to do what it is that you dream about, or achieve that goal you made for yourself, you have no idea what it actually takes to get there. Realized goals by others look so easy, don’t they? When you watch a winning team, a famous entertainer, a successful professional, a great teacher – they all have something in common. They worked their butts off with perseverance and grit, sometimes for years. It wasn’t easy – and they didn’t know everything at the outset. They learned what they did not know and kept moving forward through mistakes. They did not quit. (And most of them will tell you that they are still working to get better in furtherance of their goal.)
The best example I can think of to illustrate this concept of continually working my hardest towards a goal, while perpetually feeling like I am being faced with almost daily situations which show me just how little I know is...Parenting! (You don’t have to be a parent to appreciate this part because we were all kids and experienced our own parents muddling through trying to raise us!) Seriously – parenting defines the motto the more you learn, the less you know. Right? Humor me by continuing to read a few of my thoughts on parenting.
First, you have a baby, which (in case you did not know this), does NOT come with an instruction manual. Suddenly, you are responsible for another human’s every need. Every day provides you with teachable moments while you try to master the feedings, changings, ridiculously inconvenient sleep schedules, crying for apparently no reason, and a host of crazy things that just yesterday when you had no baby, you really knew nothing about whatsoever. But, you keep trying and soon enough, your newborn is a toddler and everything you just got comfortable with – changed. Now they are sitting, crawling, pulling themselves up, walking, talking and constantly on the move. How is it that babies can so easily crawl UP the stairs but then can’t figure out the reverse? Time to learn to install those baby gates...
Now you have to learn about babyproofing the house, potty training, treating a myriad of colds/coughs/rashes that you have never heard of in your life, and teaching your child to talk, etc. Usually somewhere around age two, you begin to think that you may have spawned a smaller version of Satan and you definitely know that this child is related to every other member of the family but you in personality. “NO” screamed by your little cherub followed by an inexplicable tantrum in the most public place imaginable seems like a daily occurrence. NEWSFLASH: your parenting manual has still not arrived in the mail. You don’t give up. There must be better days ahead.
There are – for about 5-7 years during elementary school when your child genuinely loves you and gives you hugs and kisses when they get on the bus. Yet, suddenly, this child disappears in middle school and they don’t want to have anything to do with you because you are “so awkward”. You continue to try to communicate with them up and until they hit high school when their friends become paramount along with socializing, driving, dating (maybe), etc. You set curfews and expectations, and you pray they make good decisions, but you don’t really know the best way to ensure that they do. Nothing that you have learned to this particular point in time has prepared you to deal with what you are now facing and yet you keep parenting and focusing on the goal: to do it the best you can. And you persevere.
And then they are gone. Out of the house on their own.
But, then they are back! (at least at my house they are) Then they are a young adult taking a gap year to work and apply to medical school and how to do “parent” one of those things? You think back to bringing this person home as a baby and you never in a million years had any idea what being a parent really meant, now did you? Would you do it again? People do – all the time. We did. Twice more. (No manuals arrived for them either.)
And the kicker? If you have more than one, you quickly realize that what works for one does not necessarily work for another. So, some of what you learned for one kid is completely irrelevant for a sibling. I am still learning to treat my three kids as individuals who are at very different walks in their lives. Some days I do that better than others. On the bad days, I am thankful that there is wine.
Parenting is hard – period. Sometimes it is so overwhelming that I just want to move to Australia. It is exhausting, exasperating, and often unappreciated in the moment. But, being a good parent is one of my goals. So, even though each day shows me just how much I still have to learn, I keep working at it - persevering through the bumps and rejoicing at the small victories. I would not trade this journey for anything because it is 100% worth it – no matter how hard and how much I realize that I still have so much to learn.
Walk the walk towards your own personal goals and don’t quit. Embrace what you don’t know. Keep learning. You will get discouraged. Everyone does at some point or another. Setting a goal is much easier than achieving one. But, keep in mind that every new challenge or obstacle opens a door that moves you ever closer to your dream.
And if you need reminding of that fact, just pretend that you are on a hike. Sometimes you are so focused on the destination that you forget to look back and see just how far you have come. Or perhaps, if you are not a hiker, do as Dory would tell you to do from the movie Finding Nemo and “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming...” and you will eventually get to where you are going. Don’t give up. Achieving your dreams is worth it.
