The Hidden Joys between Points A and B Blog #15
Dec 19, 2023 by Amy Elizabeth Matuza
“Some of the secret joys of living are not found by rushing from point A to point B, but by inventing some imaginary letters along the way.” – Douglas Pagels
I am a total and complete master of “the list”. And I mean ANY list...
I have lists for everything. Lists of items that I plan to do daily. Lists for food shopping items. Lists of places where I would like to vacation. “Honey-do” lists. Lists of projects that need to be done on the house, the yard, etc. Short term to-do lists. Long term to-do lists...you get the idea.
Making lists can be very helpful in making an individual productive and organized. The whole process of creating one can be very strategic and a good way to prioritize things that you would like to accomplish. Writing things down in a list helps me to not forget things. (Most helpful post-50...) The simple act of marking something as “complete” on a list is very satisfying to me.
Unfortunately, the downside to being a “list” person is that I can sometimes be so task oriented and focused on completing each item on my list, that I miss living in the moment. I am completing one task while already having mentally moved on to what I need to be doing to accomplish my next one. Instead of enjoying the journey, I am obsessed with the destination. There is really no true happiness in that is there? The focus can become about “doing” and not “being”. Two recent experiences brought this idea home for me.
The first one happened while I was running around doing errands on a very tight, self-induced time schedule. I walked into our local pet store to pick up a few items for our dog, Elvis. The young woman behind the register was moving at a snail’s pace – obviously unaware of my “need for speed” in getting out of the store. I felt like she was taking forever to ring me up and I was annoyed at having to answer all of the questions on the pin pad screen about donating to various charities for the holidays. Basically, I was being a grouch. I tried to avoid eye contact so that I could get out of the store ASAP.
Suddenly, the young woman said, “So, are you doing anything special or fun aside from the usual holiday things?” It stopped me in my tracks and I looked up at her to see a huge smile on her face. I felt like an ass. I recognized this individual as having checked me out several times before and yet I had never really spoken to her because I was always in such a hurry – rushing from list item A to list item B. “Why, yes, in fact this weekend is my daughter’s sixteenth birthday and we are having a party for her,” I said. She took a second and then replied, “Well, that is very nice!”
And she meant it. In fact, she then put down the price scanner and said, “Actually, I have a big birthday coming up on Wednesday that I am very excited to celebrate because I am going to be twenty-one!” Her smile got bigger and bigger. I thought to myself, how many people has she rung up today who have been just like me? Too busy to say hello, or ask another human how they are doing, or to just smile at them? Probably lots. We went on to talk about her plans with her friends for her birthday and how excited she was to be able to have her first legal drink. The whole interaction was probably less than two minutes, but it made my day. I was “being” – I was in the moment and not worried about my next list item. This, like the quote above says, was my “imaginary letter” and it became one of the favorite moments of my day.
The second experience occurred as I was driving around this weekend to prepare for the aforementioned sixteenth birthday party at our house. I was listening to a podcast about what happens behind the scenes at some of the most disastrous movie productions. The movie being discussed was “The Princess Bride”, which I absolutely adore. The hosts started addressing some of the differences between movies filmed in the US and the UK. Apparently, it is a requirement on a British film set to take two tea breaks a day, and, when on location, a third sandwich break. Rob Reiner, the director of this particular movie was going to have none of it – that was, until the crew said that they were going to strike if Rob did not honor their work contract.
Initially, I thought it ludicrous that you would take that many breaks during a work day. How would you ever get anything done? But, I am an American. Powering through your workday to try to get as much done as possible sounds pretty normal for an American type of workday, doesn’t it? The deliverable is King!
But then I thought about all of the things that I love about visiting Europe when we travel to see our best friends from Holland: the way people sit down together each morning to enjoy an espresso and a croissant with friends instead of getting a coffee-to-go in their rush to work; or how people enjoy their long lunches with a glass of wine; and the idea of perhaps taking a siesta to rest your mind and body...the list goes on and on.
Suddenly, the idea of making a point to stop your work day and enjoy two tea breaks did not sound so ludicrous. It sounded far more fun and enjoyable than running constantly from point A to point B without pausing to enjoy the moment. From what I have listened to and read about the making of “The Princess Bride”, the close relationships among the cast that have endured over these many years were built on the fun that everyone had together not just while working, but while offset in their down time as well – in their “imaginary letter” time.
Both of these instances illustrate that it is in the enjoyment of the moment (or moments) where one finds joy. They show the value of being present – no matter what task you may be in the middle of on your way to completion. Life is not about the past or the future. It is about the now. If you are not enjoying the now – then where are you?
May you find your way to some imaginary letters this month. Perhaps you do it by noticing a beautiful sky of clouds while driving on an errand. Maybe you take a minute to smell a bouquet in the florist section in the grocery store. You might pause to talk to a friend you see while at the drugstore.
There will always be another point down the road. But, there will never be another now. Go ahead, allow yourself to drink some proverbial tea and savor the moment.
I am a total and complete master of “the list”. And I mean ANY list...
I have lists for everything. Lists of items that I plan to do daily. Lists for food shopping items. Lists of places where I would like to vacation. “Honey-do” lists. Lists of projects that need to be done on the house, the yard, etc. Short term to-do lists. Long term to-do lists...you get the idea.
Making lists can be very helpful in making an individual productive and organized. The whole process of creating one can be very strategic and a good way to prioritize things that you would like to accomplish. Writing things down in a list helps me to not forget things. (Most helpful post-50...) The simple act of marking something as “complete” on a list is very satisfying to me.
Unfortunately, the downside to being a “list” person is that I can sometimes be so task oriented and focused on completing each item on my list, that I miss living in the moment. I am completing one task while already having mentally moved on to what I need to be doing to accomplish my next one. Instead of enjoying the journey, I am obsessed with the destination. There is really no true happiness in that is there? The focus can become about “doing” and not “being”. Two recent experiences brought this idea home for me.
The first one happened while I was running around doing errands on a very tight, self-induced time schedule. I walked into our local pet store to pick up a few items for our dog, Elvis. The young woman behind the register was moving at a snail’s pace – obviously unaware of my “need for speed” in getting out of the store. I felt like she was taking forever to ring me up and I was annoyed at having to answer all of the questions on the pin pad screen about donating to various charities for the holidays. Basically, I was being a grouch. I tried to avoid eye contact so that I could get out of the store ASAP.
Suddenly, the young woman said, “So, are you doing anything special or fun aside from the usual holiday things?” It stopped me in my tracks and I looked up at her to see a huge smile on her face. I felt like an ass. I recognized this individual as having checked me out several times before and yet I had never really spoken to her because I was always in such a hurry – rushing from list item A to list item B. “Why, yes, in fact this weekend is my daughter’s sixteenth birthday and we are having a party for her,” I said. She took a second and then replied, “Well, that is very nice!”
And she meant it. In fact, she then put down the price scanner and said, “Actually, I have a big birthday coming up on Wednesday that I am very excited to celebrate because I am going to be twenty-one!” Her smile got bigger and bigger. I thought to myself, how many people has she rung up today who have been just like me? Too busy to say hello, or ask another human how they are doing, or to just smile at them? Probably lots. We went on to talk about her plans with her friends for her birthday and how excited she was to be able to have her first legal drink. The whole interaction was probably less than two minutes, but it made my day. I was “being” – I was in the moment and not worried about my next list item. This, like the quote above says, was my “imaginary letter” and it became one of the favorite moments of my day.
The second experience occurred as I was driving around this weekend to prepare for the aforementioned sixteenth birthday party at our house. I was listening to a podcast about what happens behind the scenes at some of the most disastrous movie productions. The movie being discussed was “The Princess Bride”, which I absolutely adore. The hosts started addressing some of the differences between movies filmed in the US and the UK. Apparently, it is a requirement on a British film set to take two tea breaks a day, and, when on location, a third sandwich break. Rob Reiner, the director of this particular movie was going to have none of it – that was, until the crew said that they were going to strike if Rob did not honor their work contract.
Initially, I thought it ludicrous that you would take that many breaks during a work day. How would you ever get anything done? But, I am an American. Powering through your workday to try to get as much done as possible sounds pretty normal for an American type of workday, doesn’t it? The deliverable is King!
But then I thought about all of the things that I love about visiting Europe when we travel to see our best friends from Holland: the way people sit down together each morning to enjoy an espresso and a croissant with friends instead of getting a coffee-to-go in their rush to work; or how people enjoy their long lunches with a glass of wine; and the idea of perhaps taking a siesta to rest your mind and body...the list goes on and on.
Suddenly, the idea of making a point to stop your work day and enjoy two tea breaks did not sound so ludicrous. It sounded far more fun and enjoyable than running constantly from point A to point B without pausing to enjoy the moment. From what I have listened to and read about the making of “The Princess Bride”, the close relationships among the cast that have endured over these many years were built on the fun that everyone had together not just while working, but while offset in their down time as well – in their “imaginary letter” time.
Both of these instances illustrate that it is in the enjoyment of the moment (or moments) where one finds joy. They show the value of being present – no matter what task you may be in the middle of on your way to completion. Life is not about the past or the future. It is about the now. If you are not enjoying the now – then where are you?
May you find your way to some imaginary letters this month. Perhaps you do it by noticing a beautiful sky of clouds while driving on an errand. Maybe you take a minute to smell a bouquet in the florist section in the grocery store. You might pause to talk to a friend you see while at the drugstore.
There will always be another point down the road. But, there will never be another now. Go ahead, allow yourself to drink some proverbial tea and savor the moment.
